The Last Goodbye

“Darling, my darling…”

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve caught Sebastian kissing other girls.

I wanted to rush over and confront him, but all I could do was curl up in a corner and cry silently.

Today is my birthday. Sebastian promised he would spend it with me.

Too bad he forgot.

1

I wiped away my tears, packed my things, and went to see Lily—my childhood best friend, now lying in a hospital bed, terminally ill.

The moment I placed the fruit in her palm, my phone rang. I stood up and stepped outside to answer.

“Why aren’t you home?”

It was Sebastian. The memory of that kiss—him holding a stranger—flooded back.

“I’m with Lily. Aren’t you not home either?”

Sebastian’s voice turned sharp. “Didn’t I promise I’d come back today?”

“Your promises are too casual. How am I supposed to tell which ones are real?”

“Claire! Don’t start something out of nothing!”

I cut him off. “Do you know what day it is?”

“What day? It’s not some anniversary of ours, is it?”

I hung up on him. No matter how many times I heard his words, they always cut deep.

A long time ago, we did celebrate anniversaries. When we first got together, there were so many moments worth remembering. Thirty days, a hundred days, a year.

Later, when I tried to salvage our relationship, I used anniversaries as an excuse to ask him out. All I got was mockery.

Eventually, I stopped remembering.

But Lily was sick, and it stirred something in me. I thought, at least we should spend birthdays together.

After all these years, I still remember that kiss under the basketball hoop, carrying the scent of summer grass.

But time passes. That kiss could be given to someone else.

By the time I got home, it was dark. To my surprise, the lights were on.

“You called me back, then ran off to Lily’s place. What’s that supposed to mean?”

I looked at his impatient expression and felt nothing but irritation. “You weren’t home anyway.”

“Then why am I sitting here right now?” He always had a comeback.

“We left work together. How come I got home, but you didn’t?”

I’d been Sebastian’s assistant for years. Our offices were just a wall apart. On good days, he’d leave work with me, and we’d steal a rare moment of peace.

As if we were still a couple in love.

“Do you want to put a camera on me? Watch everyone I see, everything I do, every word I say? Would that make you happy?”

Sebastian stood up from the couch and kicked the coffee table hard. The tremor echoed through the living room—and through my heart.

I looked up at him, a bitter ache in my chest. “Being louder doesn’t make you right, Sebastian. It just shows you’re guilty.”

As if he couldn’t stand me anymore, he stood and walked toward the door. “Claire, if you can’t handle it, then get out. This is my house, not yours. Do you understand?”

“You begged me to be with you. It wasn’t me who insisted.”

He slammed the door behind him. Suddenly, I missed my birthday from our last year of school. The careful touch of fingers in the dark. The cake Sebastian suddenly produced from behind his back. His soft rendition of “Happy Birthday.”

That was my most perfect birthday. There was cake, and there was love.

I’ve never forgotten. It was a SpongeBob-shaped cake, sickeningly sweet.

I never ate a cake that sweet again. I never saw the lover I once knew again.

Maybe because I’d cried before sleeping, I dreamed of a time when tears didn’t exist.

“Zero-One, Zero-One, this is Lily.”

I laughed and took her hand. “Lily, Lily, this is Zero-One.”

“Question: why do you help Sebastian cheat every time, and he still fails?”

“…”

Our English teacher loved tests. Anyone who failed got scolded. Coincidentally, Sebastian was terrible at English. So before every test, I’d make him a study guide and leave it on his desk. Lily said I was like a modern-day fairy godmother.

Dreaming of school days made me less angry when I saw Sebastian at work.

“Miss Claire, is Mr. Harrington in?” It was the latest influencer Sebastian was seeing. Pretty, sweet-natured. But every time I saw her face, my heart tightened for no reason.

I looked away. “He’s in. You can go right in.”

She smiled sweetly, thanked me, and walked in.

As she pushed open the door, I finally remembered who she reminded me of.

Fiona.

That year, I’d just started college. Sebastian and I were in different cities. We talked every day, but there were times we couldn’t reach each other. Young and fearless, I’d take a slow train for over ten hours just to see him for a moment.

One look was all it took. I saw her walking out of his apartment. Wavy hair, a willow-thin waist. She was beautiful.

My heart sank, but I still fooled myself. There were so many tenants in the building. What were the odds?

But she called out to me. “Claire? You’re Claire, right?”

The air turned cold. “You are…”

“Hi, I’m Fiona. I’ve heard so much about you. From… Sebastian.”

I remembered that moment vividly. It felt like someone had punched my heart.

She smiled. “What a coincidence.”

My world crumbled.

The influencer walked out of Sebastian’s office and tapped my desk. “Miss Claire, Mr. Harrington wants to see you.”

I pulled my heart out of the memory, smiled, and sent her off before going in.

When I entered, Sebastian was unwrapping a box. An elegant one.

“Want to try?”

He handed me a piece. It was chocolate.

“I thought you didn’t… eat chocolate?”

He paused. “Once in a while is fine. Besides, it’s a gift from a young lady. Would be a shame to throw it away.”

I froze. His words echoed in my mind. So he did know. He knew how precious someone’s feelings could be. He knew not to let them go to waste.

But I remembered his birthday that year. I’d carefully made homemade chocolate and timidly handed it to him.

I’d hoped he’d try it. But he just opened it, looked, and asked, “Anyone want chocolate?”

He casually wiped his fingers on my cheek. “I don’t really like it. Don’t waste it. You eat it.”

I took the box, stiff, and threw it in the trash on my way home.

Feelings that aren’t valued end up like garbage.

“Claire!” Sebastian called my name, snapping me back.

“Hmm?”

“You’ve been distracted lately.”

I said nothing.

He tapped the desk. “There’s a new movie. I’ll take you to see it.”

Compensation?

I bit my lip. “Which showing?”

I despised my own cowardice.

That evening, when I went to see Lily, she was fighting with Simon again. She did all the mocking; he just listened.

“Darling! Come! Help me!”

The moment he saw me, Simon stood and walked out. As he passed, he said, “Don’t give her anything she shouldn’t eat.”

I glared at him and went to Lily. “You’re angry again? That’s bad for you!”

She was still fuming. “I can’t help it! So annoying!”

“Take it out on him then. He won’t talk back. Doesn’t that feel better?”

Lily rolled her eyes at me, then said, vindictively, “Did you know? Sebastian is getting married!”

The fruit knife slipped. A long cut appeared on my finger. The pain didn’t register until the blood started spreading.

“Darling!”

Lily pressed the call button frantically. Someone came to bandage me.

When I was finally patched up, Lily didn’t dare let me hold a knife again. She patted her chest, trying to calm herself. I sat there, dazed.

“You didn’t know…”

She looked guilty. I smiled. “Does it matter whether I knew or not?”

Her eyes kept darting to my hand. “It matters a lot. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

I comforted her and left. Seeing the dark lights at home, I couldn’t help wondering: where was Sebastian now? With his fiancée? With the influencer? With some other girl?

Anywhere but with me.

2

The girl Sebastian was engaged to was the only daughter of the Harrington Group’s rival. I remembered her well from a recent business meeting.

She looked me up and down. “Miss Claire, is it?”

I extended my hand. “Ms. Harrington. Pleasure to work with you.”

She smiled cryptically. “Yes. From now on… we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

I didn’t understand then. Now I do.

The wound on my hand throbbed. Maybe it was the cold winter. I couldn’t stop shivering.

I asked myself, darling, how did it come to this?

How did I end up like this?

I didn’t even ask Sebastian about the wedding. I found a small apartment and slowly moved my things out. Sebastian rarely came home. Even when he did, he wouldn’t notice. He only cared about himself.

I visited Lily often. She was so thin. She slept a lot.

Little Nurse Zhou came to change her IV. Her eyes were red. I patted her shoulder. She smiled at me through tears and whispered, “Spend more time with her.”

I wanted to cry.

Lily was skin and bones. She couldn’t even eat the junk food I brought. If she did, she’d throw it up right away.

I held her fingers, but tears fell. I tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn’t stop.

“Hey, what are you crying for?”

I looked up. “Lily, want some water?”

“I asked you first. Why are you crying?” She struggled to raise her hand, trying to wipe my tears.

“Lily, you can’t die. I don’t have any other friends.”

I pressed her hand to my cheek and whispered, “You’re my only friend.”

She forced a smile. “Serves you right. I told you to make friends, but you spent all your time chasing a man. Regret it now?”

I shook my head. “I have a good friend.”

I had a good friend. My only good friend.

She didn’t say anything more. Even breathing was hard. She just let her eyes turn red with mine.

“What do we do, my friend? I never got to see you happy.”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I sobbed into her bed. Lily laughed. “Darling, cry like that at my grave too. Make me look loved.”

“Lily!”

“Hahahahahaha. Stop crying. You look ugly.”

A heavy snow fell over the city. After it melted, there were two sunny days. The movie Sebastian had promised to take me to was today.

I hesitated for a long time. In the end, I went to the meeting spot. But I didn’t tell Sebastian.

Usually, I’d remind him over and over. This time, I didn’t.

The movie started at 7 PM. I sat on a bench outside the theater early, counting the couples passing by. “Fifty-one… fifty-two.”

“The movie is now showing!” a staff member called out, managing the crowd. I sat there, waiting. I waited until the movie started. Then I stood up and walked away.

This wasn’t the first time Sebastian had stood me up. When was the first?

I remembered shaking his arm. “Tomorrow is our fourth anniversary! Can you come see a movie with me?”

He fiddled with his phone, distracted. “Romance movies are too cheesy. I don’t want to watch one.”

“Then pick something you like, okay?”

“Fine.”

I planned everything perfectly. I got to the theater early.

I texted him again and again. He didn’t reply.

Then, as the previous showing ended, I saw Sebastian, his arm around another girl.

My phone rang. “What’s up?”

“I was just asking if you remembered we were supposed to watch a movie.”

He sighed. “Another time. I’m tired today.”

“But… today is our fourth anniversary.”

“It’s just an anniversary. We’ll celebrate next year.”

The girl smiled and walked over. He hung up on me in a hurry.

I never went to a movie theater again. I always felt like I’d see Sebastian there, with someone else by his side.

It started snowing again. As I passed a trash can, I threw away the two tickets.

3

After I stopped working, I spent most of my time with Lily. She slept a lot. But one sunny day, she seemed full of energy.

“Darling,” she said. “Take me outside for a walk.”

“I’m sorry, my friend,” Lily said, tears streaming down her face. She sat quietly in the sunlight, staring at Simon. “I’m leaving you to walk the rest of the way alone.”

She took my hand and talked about our earliest dreams, our first wishes, the best times.

She said she’d walked too long a road and felt lonely now. She said she wanted to see her family.

She said, “Darling, be happy.”

She said, “Darling, be joyful.”

She said, “Darling, I’m leaving. Don’t be afraid.”

I held her hand, sobbing. “Lily, don’t go… please… don’t go.”

She patted my hand weakly. “Darling, don’t be afraid. Do what you want. Be happy. I’ll watch over you. You’re my… only friend.”

“Lily, don’t sleep. Don’t go…”

At the very end, she said, “Darling, don’t cry…”

In that warm sunlight, I lost my only friend.

Simon was more prepared than I was, more composed. He handled Lily’s funeral arrangements.

I glared at him, teeth clenched. He didn’t care. He just came over and asked, “Sebastian is asking if you’re here. What should I tell him?”

“Tell him I’m not.”

“Got it.”

We didn’t speak after that.

I cried so much at Lily’s grave. She’d made a will long ago, leaving all her money to Nurse Zhou. When Zhou came to pay her respects, she held me up and whispered, “She said she was joking. She didn’t want you to cry at her grave.”

“She’d worry.”

I cried even harder.

When I turned around, I saw Sebastian. There was a ring on his finger, glinting in the sunlight.

Oh. He was engaged.

He walked up to me. “Claire, what’s going on with you?”

“Why aren’t you coming home?”

“Why did you delete my contact?”

“I’m talking to you!”

He asked question after question. I didn’t feel like answering. What was there to say?

I was mourning my friend. He was marrying his bride.

What was left between us?

I stepped back and looked at him. He still looked the same as the day I fell for him.

“Sebastian, I’m twenty-eight now. Time flies, doesn’t it?”

He looked confused but humored me. “Yeah.”

“I was eighteen when you asked me out. Ten years.”

I pointed at his ring. “Isn’t it funny? You’re about to get married, but you still wanted to keep dating me?”

He quickly hid his hand behind his back. When he brought it forward again, the ring was gone.

“It’s just a ring.”

I tilted my head back and pulled my coat tighter. The early spring wind was biting. It cleared my head.

“Let’s break up, Sebastian.”

“What did you say?”

I raised my hand and pointed at the farthest star in the sky. “You’re too bright, Sebastian. You’ve always been the brightest star in my sky. For all these years, my world has been like this sky—nothing in it but you.”

“Claire…”

I cut him off. “But not anymore. Not anymore.”

I said, “It’s time for me to go somewhere the sun shines.”

Sebastian turned and walked away, tossing out a “Take care of yourself.”

I watched his back for a long time, until he disappeared from sight.

4

After saying goodbye to Lily, I moved quickly on what I wanted to do.

A dessert shop. It had been our dream from the start.

Renovations, design, dealing with all kinds of people. I was busy from morning till night.

If it weren’t for Sebastian’s constant calls, I would almost have forgotten he existed.

“Buzz, buzz.” I sighed and picked up. This was his third call today.

“Hello.”

“Where’s my stamp?”

I thought for a moment. “Should be in the left cabinet, third shelf, all the way in the back.”

“Found it.”

Then he hung up.

I quickly organized all the details, printed them out, and handed them to a colleague I trusted, asking her to give them to Sebastian’s new secretary.

“Mr. Harrington hasn’t hired a new secretary!” she said.

I hesitated. “Then just print them and leave them on his desk. Thanks.”

“Okay.”

Then I blocked that number too and focused on my design plans.

When the weather warmed up, I felt good looking at my nearly finished shop.

“Claire!” My colleague was complaining to me for the second time that day.

“What’s up?” I held my phone between my ear and shoulder.

“Mr. Harrington has turned into a work machine! No one can stop him from working! We’ve already exceeded this quarter’s targets, you know?”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“I want a vacation!” the girl wailed on the other end. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Then call one of those girls he hangs out with. Any of them. Ask if they have time to go on a date with him. If they do, make a schedule and ask if he’s interested.”

I gave her the advice casually.

But the line went strangely silent. “Sunny? Why aren’t you talking?”

Sunny’s voice was strained. “Um… Claire, are you really not coming back?”

“Yeah. My shop is almost done. I’ll invite you over for some treats!”

“Claire…”

Then a new voice came through. “Claire! What kind of shop are you opening? How much money can it make?”

The voice was so loud I had to move the phone away from my ear. “Sebastian?”

“Claire, I’ll hang up now! Bye!”

The moment the call ended, I wondered if my ears were playing tricks on me.

But I was too busy to think about it.

Later, Sunny texted to apologize. I even compiled a list of all the girls Sebastian had been close to and sent it to her.

She didn’t reply.

5

When the weather warmed up, my new shop opened.

I’d chosen the name myself: “Lily’s Corner.”

When my mother came to inspect, she asked, “Won’t people think it’s an art studio?”

I thought she had a point, so I added a giant cake to the sign.

On opening day, I saw Simon for the first time in a while. I’d heard he was back, but I didn’t expect him to look so different.

“Can I… buy a cake?”

I stood still. He smiled, pale-faced. “It says right there: ‘Make every customer feel happy.’”

I wanted to mock him, but he said, “I’m going to see Lily. I want her to feel happy.”

The words died in my throat. After a long silence, I made him one.

“Tell Lily that if it’s not good, she should come to my dream. That stubborn girl hasn’t visited once!”

My voice was hoarse as I handed it to him. He just smiled. As he turned to leave, he left a stack of cash on the counter.

“Good luck with the opening. Nice name. May you prosper.”

It was a token of goodwill. I took it.

Sunny really did bring my old colleagues to visit. I happily welcomed them and showed off my new products.

I also made everyone fill out a customer survey.

Sunny pulled me aside. “Claire, Mr. Harrington suddenly said he’s not getting married anymore!”

I shrugged. I didn’t care.

“Then do what I said. Make him a dating schedule. Keep him busy so he stops causing trouble.”

Sunny bit her lip and nodded firmly.

Lately, a man had been coming to the shop every day. He’d set up a canvas and sit there for hours.

He said he was a painter. “An unknown, no-name painter,” he said.

We talked sometimes. He told me about places he’d been. “I love painting people,” he said. “Everyone’s eyes are different. Some are like crystals, some like amber. Some are… chaotic, but beautiful. All of them are beautiful.”

“Will you paint me?” I asked with a smile.

He said yes. On a quiet afternoon, I sat on a bench and modeled for him. The sun was warm, the world was still. I felt at peace.

The day he gave me the painting, he walked me home.

“What did you see in my eyes?” I asked, smiling.

“Peace,” he said. “A kind of peace I really envy.”

I thought about his words and smiled. “I wasn’t always a peaceful person.”

“Really?” he asked. “Now I’m curious. What were you like before?”

The shadows of the trees dappled the ground. I was about to answer when someone interrupted.

“Claire!”

I froze. It was Sebastian.

“Looks like he has something to say. I’ll head back first.”

I nodded and said I’d treat him to a yuzu tea tomorrow.

“It’s a deal.”

“Yeah.”

Sebastian didn’t even wait for the painter to leave. He snatched the painting from my hands and examined it.

“Who’s this?”

I was annoyed but tried to stay polite. “Give it back.”

Sebastian sneered and tore the painting to pieces. “Portrait painting? What’s next? Boudoir art?”

I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on.

“How did you find me?”

“I followed you from your shop!”

“Who’s that pretty boy? You were laughing and talking with him!”

“He’s a customer!”

“Hah. Is that what your shop does? Customers walk the owner home? Paint her portrait?”

I was shaking with anger. I stepped forward and slapped him.

“Claire!” Sebastian was furious.

My voice was cold. “He walked me home because I’m a single adult woman, and he’s a single adult man. We were getting to know each other!”

“Who gave you permission to get to know him?” His voice doubled in volume, echoing in the empty night.

“I’m an independent person. I gave myself permission. I don’t need anyone else’s. Sebastian, I want you to leave my house right now, or I’ll call the police!”

I turned and walked upstairs. He followed close behind.

“Sebastian!” I raised my voice.

“What? You won’t even let me in?”

I stopped, took out my phone, and dialed. “Hello, is this the police? I’m at—”

“Claire!” He grabbed my phone and hung up. “Are you throwing a tantrum now?”

I sighed. “Sebastian, you’re the one who doesn’t get it. I broke up with you.”

“Sebastian, don’t come looking for me again. Or I really will call the police. I don’t want things to end like this.”

6

The painter didn’t come the next day. I felt a little regretful, but the shop was busy. When it was quiet, I’d play a song I liked and enjoy the peace.

A week later, the painter walked in again. He handed me a new portrait with a smile.

“Oh, I didn’t model for this one.” I was surprised.

“That’s okay. I sat here for half a month. I’ve memorized you. The beautiful shop owner.”

I laughed, flattered. “What do you want to eat? It’s on me today!”

He ordered and sat at the counter. I asked curiously, “Do you have some kind of foresight? How did you know my painting was ruined?”

He smiled. “That man I saw at your door seemed a bit aggressive. I was worried, so I stayed for a while. I overheard your conversation. Sorry about that.”

I swirled my cup. “Thank you. I didn’t expect you to think of that.”

“Girls are more delicate. It was the least I could do.”

I smiled and added a pudding to his order.

“I really like your painting. You’re very talented!”

The painter took a sip of tea and smiled. “Shop owner Claire.”

“You can call me Claire.”

He smiled. “Claire, I’m leaving. Heading further west.”

I was taken aback. “You’re leaving?”

“Actually, this city is wonderful. The scenery is beautiful, the weather is nice, the desserts are delicious, and the shop owner is lovely.”

“It almost made me want to stay.”

I looked down, waiting.

“But that day I walked you home, when you saw that man, your eyes changed.”

My smile faded.

“I thought about it for a week. I think… they became more alive.”

“Very different from when I painted you.”

“Was he a past lover?” he asked softly.

“Yeah. He was.”

I looked out the window. Sebastian was still someone who made my heart skip a beat, no matter when he appeared.

I walked the painter to the door and wished him a safe journey.

“It’s a shame you won’t see the autumn scenery here.”

It’s a shame we never got closer.

He opened his arms. “Can I have a hug?”

I stepped forward, gave him a brief hug, and stepped back.

He said, “I don’t know why you seem so resistant to him, but Claire, I hope you live the life you want.”

I nodded. “I will. Thank you.”

When I turned around, I saw Sebastian under the shade of a tree. He met my eyes and walked toward me.

I spoke first. “What do you want?”

Sebastian clenched his fist, then held out something to me. “That movie. I forgot. Let’s go see this one.”

I looked at the ticket in the dim light. “Sebastian, you never watch romance movies with me. Why?”

He said, as if it were obvious, “Isn’t this the kind you like?”

I shook my head. “It’s what you like. Everything between us is what you like. Do you even know what I like to eat? What I like to do? What I like to watch?”

“I…”

“Sebastian, you watch romance movies with other people, don’t you?”

That time I saw him, he was watching that blockbuster romance with that girl. The same one he’d refused to watch with me.

I still felt the sting. I looked up at him. “Why can you watch them with others, but not with me?”

He didn’t answer. But I knew.

Because he had fleeting romances with others. With me… he never had.

I knew all along. I was just pretending.

The shop was popular with kids. One young couple stood out.

The girl was always hovering around the boy.

Just like I used to hover around Sebastian.

Sebastian did go on dates with me. He just had no patience. He always looked annoyed. Even when I sat across from him, crying, he’d just say, “Alright, stop crying. Go wherever you need to go.”

I’d tug at his sleeve. “Then you and I…”

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. You can come back anytime.”

Later, when I came back, I found one pretty young girl after another by his side.

I tapped the table. Youth was wonderful. Only the young had that kind of fearless courage.

By the time I closed up, it was a bit cold. I locked the door and turned around to find a painting right in front of my face.

I jumped back in surprise.

“Sebastian?”

He awkwardly stepped out from behind it. “I… fixed it.”

I looked at the painting, painstakingly taped back together. I could almost see Sebastian, stiff-faced and frowning, bending down to pick up the pieces one by one.

“If you like this painting, I’ll give it back to you.” His voice was small. Somehow, it sounded sad.

I blinked back the tears in my eyes. “But… I already have a new one.”

For the painting. For my life.

He froze. Then he asked, “Claire, you don’t want to be with me anymore?”

I looked him in the eye and said firmly, “No. I don’t.”

“What if… I want you to?”

I tilted my head. “Are you begging me?”

He hesitated, then nodded.

I sighed. “So this is what it feels like.”

“This is what it feels like to be begged by someone you don’t love. Sebastian, now I understand why you thought my love was cheap.”

When you give up your底线 in love, you become cheap yourself.

“Sebastian, now you’re the one begging. I’m giving your words back to you.”

He stood frozen, not knowing what to do with the painting in his hands.

“You begged me to be with you!”

“I’m giving that back to you.”

7

When the first snow fell, I thought it would be nice to have someone by my side. So I agreed to my mother’s suggestion and went on two blind dates.

Neither worked out.

I started to doubt the success rate of matchmaking. Maybe I was rushing things. I decided to take it slow.

I didn’t go back to the shop for two days. When I did, my young assistant leaned in and whispered, “That man. He comes every day, every single day. Boss, do you know him?”

I shook my head. “I don’t.”

Sebastian stood in the distance. In the heavy snow, I could barely make out his figure.

I ignored him and walked home. It had snowed for days. The snow melted, then froze, then snowed again. The ground was like a skating rink. I took small, careful steps.

I saw the green light and started crossing. But the road was slippery. A small car couldn’t stop. It swerved hard to the right.

I looked down. A car was heading straight for me.

The sound of screeching brakes filled my ears. My brain screamed, Run! Run!

But my feet wouldn’t move.

“Bang!” The world spun.

“Claire!” So many voices. But that one was the clearest.

Even though my body couldn’t react, my mind answered. It was Sebastian. It was Sebastian.

I had a very long dream.

I dreamed of a time long ago. I saw myself, holding a box of carefully made chocolate, waiting at Sebastian’s desk. I desperately wanted to reach her, to tell her, Don’t wait! He won’t take it!

But I couldn’t. I could only watch as Sebastian took the box, opened it, and closed it. The chocolate came back to her.

I watched that girl’s expression from afar. My nose stung.

She lowered her head, her hand stroking the box again and again. She hesitated, trying to offer it to him, but he had already turned away. She bit her lip, wanting to cry but afraid to.

I followed her as she was jostled through the crowd like a pitiful sandwich, clutching her bag tightly. Inside were treats she’d brought for her beloved.

She’d taken a ten-hour train ride. She was so scared she didn’t dare drink water or use the restroom. She just held that bag, as if it could comfort her.

I wanted to tell her not to go. She wouldn’t get a response. She’d only see a beautiful girl walk out of his room and tell her they’d just had a good time.

But I couldn’t. I could only watch.

Even when she grew up, put on heels, and tied up her hair, she’d still rest her chin on her hand and look out the window, waiting for her beloved to return.

I covered my eyes. Don’t wait. Don’t wait anymore. He’ll only throw away the cake you made early in the morning. He’ll tell you you’re annoying. He’ll tell you to stop.

There won’t be a response. There never will be.

Keep that precious love for yourself, darling.

I stood beside her, watching her cry. I wrapped my arms around her, as if I could hold the crying version of myself.

Darling, please. Love yourself.

Love yourself.

“Darling…”

“Darling…”

I opened my eyes groggily and met Sebastian’s gaze. For a moment, I was disoriented. Those cold eyes of his… they held my reflection.

I wanted to cry.

“Darling, darling, are you feeling better?” My mother pushed Sebastian aside and rushed over.

I was in pain, but I still managed a smile.

“I’m fine.”

I wanted to reassure her.

“Good. That’s good.” My mother stood by my bed, crying. My stepfather comforted her.

I turned my neck with difficulty and saw Sebastian standing in the corner.

That long dream felt like decades.

If you asked me what I was most certain of in life, it was loving Sebastian.

Loving him with fearless abandon.

I blinked. Tears still fell, unbidden.

“Darling, does it hurt?”

Sebastian rushed over and leaned down to ask. When I didn’t answer, he asked again.

“Darling, where does it hurt?”

I shook my head. The tears wouldn’t stop.

It’s “darling”!

After all these years, you finally know. My nickname. The one everyone close to me uses. It’s “darling.”

Finally, I’ve become your precious one too?

But it’s too late…

Too late, Sebastian.

8

When I was a little better, I could sit up on my own. I told my mother and the others to go home and stop worrying.

Only Sebastian and I were left in the room.

“Don’t you need to go back to work?”

He was silently peeling fruit. “No.”

I looked at the sun outside the window. “The snow has stopped.”

He forced a smile. “You’ve been lying here too long.”

“Have I?”

Maybe. After the heavy snow, new buds were sprouting. It was spring.

I looked at Sebastian. Saying goodbye in spring was romantic.

I took the fruit from his hand. “Can we talk?”

“Why aren’t you going to work?” I asked gently.

“Because I’m scared.”

Sebastian rarely showed such vulnerability. “I was so scared.”

“You were lying in a pool of blood. I couldn’t wake you up. There was blood everywhere. I was so scared, darling.”

He covered his eyes and cried, as if he were back at the scene, helpless and lost.

“Darling, don’t leave me…”

“Darling, don’t leave me…”

I looked up, trying hard to hold back my tears. I gripped the sheets tightly to stop myself from reaching out to wipe his tears.

“Sebastian, don’t cry,” I said softly. “I’m not the one who wipes your tears anymore.”

“Darling…”

I wiped the corner of my eyes. “I had a dream. A dream from a long time ago.”

“I watched myself get hurt by you, again and again. It hurt so much. The tears in my heart almost drowned me.”

I smiled at him. “Sebastian, I feel so sorry for myself.”

At the brink of life and death, I felt so sorry for myself.

Sebastian’s lips trembled. He grabbed my hand desperately. “Darling, I… I…”

“I might not be able to stop loving you right away. But I want to try.”

“Darling… don’t leave me… please…”

It was the first time I saw Sebastian cry, and cry so hard.

As if he were terrified of being abandoned, he held my hand so tightly it hurt.

“Darling, I’ll change. I swear, I’ll change!” He looked at me with hope, as if he’d give me the world if I just nodded.

“Darling, don’t leave me alone. I’m so scared.”

I gently pulled my hand free.

“Sebastian, no.” That was my answer.

“We had good times. We did,” he said, desperately trying to jog my memory.

I smiled through my tears. So I wasn’t the only one who remembered.

That innocent affection. That youthful feeling. Those kisses pressed to the corner of my lips on so many summer