Abao, Abao

Abao, Abao

I've lost count of how many times I've witnessed Sebastian kissing another girl.

I wanted to rush forward and confront him, but I could only hide in the shadows and silently shed tears.

Today is my birthday. Sebastian promised he would spend it with me.

Unfortunately, he forgot.

1

I wiped away my tears, gathered my things, and went to visit Lily—my closest childhood friend, now lying in a hospital bed, ravaged by a terminal illness.

I had just handed her some fruit when my phone rang. I stepped outside to answer it.

"You're not home?"

It was Sebastian. The kiss came flooding back—the one where he held a strange girl in his arms.

"I'm at Lily's. Aren't you not home either?"

Sebastian's voice carried a note of displeasure. "Didn't I promise I'd be back today?"

"Your promises are too casual. How am I supposed to know if you mean them?"

"Claire! Don't start picking a fight!"

I cut him off. "Do you know what day it is today?"

"What day? It can't be some anniversary."

I hung up on him sharply. No matter how many times I heard it, his words could still wound me with surgical precision.

A long time ago, we used to celebrate anniversaries. Back when we first got together, there were always moments worth commemorating: thirty days, a hundred days, a year.

Later, when I tried to salvage the relationship, I would use anniversaries as an excuse to ask him out, only to be met with cold sarcasm.

Over time, I stopped remembering those days.

But Lily was sick, and it had touched something soft deep inside me. I thought, birthdays should be spent together.

So many years had passed, and I still remembered that kiss under the basketball hoop, carrying the scent of summer grass.

But as time wore on, that kiss could belong to someone else.

By the time I got home, it was already dark. Surprisingly, the lights were on inside.

"You called me back, but you went to Lily's place. What's that supposed to mean?"

Looking at his impatient face, I only felt irritation. "So you didn't come back?"

"Then who's sitting here right now?" His retorts came one after another.

"We left work at the same time. Why did I get home before you?"

After all these years as his assistant, our offices were only a wall apart. Occasionally, when he was in a good mood, he'd walk out with me, and those moments were especially pleasant.

As if we were still a couple madly in love.

"Would you be satisfied if you could put a tracker on me, watching who I see, what I do, and what I say every second?"

Sebastian stood up from the sofa and kicked the coffee table hard. The violent tremor echoed through the living room—and through my heart.

I looked up at him with sorrow. "Being louder doesn't make you right, Sebastian. This is what guilt looks like."

As if he couldn't stand me any longer, he stood up and headed for the door. "Claire, if you can't handle it, then get the hell out. This is my house, not yours. Do you understand?"

"You were the one who begged me to be with you. I didn't force myself on you."

He slammed the door shut and left. I suddenly missed the last birthday of my student years—fingers cautiously touching in the darkness, the cake Sebastian produced from behind his back, and his quietly sung birthday song.

That was the most perfect birthday I ever had: a cake and the one I loved.

I still remember it was a SpongeBob-shaped cake, sickeningly sweet.

I never tasted a cake that sweet again. I never saw the person I loved back then again.

Perhaps because I had cried before falling asleep, I dreamed of the days when I didn't know how to cry.

"Zero-One, Zero-One, this is Lily."

I smiled and took her hand. "Lily, Lily, this is Zero-One."

"Question: why does Sebastian still fail his exams even though you always help him cheat?"

"..."

The English teacher loved giving tests, and anyone who failed would be criticized. Unfortunately, Sebastian was terrible at English. So before every exam, I'd prepare a study guide and leave it on his desk. Lily said I was like a modern-day version of the kind-hearted snail maiden.

After dreaming about our school days, I felt less angry looking at Sebastian at work.

"Assistant Claire, is Mr. Harrington in?" It was the young influencer who'd been getting close to Sebastian lately. Pretty face, sweet demeanor. But every time I saw her face, my heart would inexplicably tighten.

Avoiding her gaze, I said, "He's in. You can go right in."

She gave me a sweet smile, said thank you, and walked in.

As she pushed open the door and disappeared inside, I stared at her back and finally remembered—she reminded me of someone.

Fiona.

That year, I'd just started college, separated from Sebastian by distance. We talked on the phone every day, but there were times we couldn't reach each other. When you're young, you act without thinking. I'd take a grueling twelve-hour train ride just to come home and see him for a moment.

Just one glance, and I ran into Fiona walking out of his apartment. Wavy hair, slender waist—a true beauty.

My heart lurched, but I still deceived myself: There are so many residents in this building. What are the odds?

But she called out to me. "Claire? You're Claire, aren't you?"

I felt the chill in the air. "You are..."

"Hi, I'm Fiona. I've heard so much about you. From... Sebastian's lips."

I still remember that moment—my heart felt like it had taken a brutal punch, throbbing with pain.

She smiled. "What a coincidence."

My world crumbled.

The young influencer walked out of Sebastian's office and tapped on my desk. "Assistant Claire, Mr. Harrington wants to see you."

I pulled my heart back from the memory, smiled as I saw her off, and went to see Sebastian.

When I entered, he was unwrapping a package—an elegant little box.

"Want to try one?"

He casually handed me a piece. It was a chocolate.

"Don't you... not eat chocolate?"

He paused for a moment before saying, "Once in a while won't hurt. Besides, it's a girl's thoughtful gesture. Would be a shame to throw it away."

I stood frozen, his words echoing in my mind. So he did know. He knew how precious someone's feelings could be. He knew that others' kindness shouldn't be wasted.

But I still remembered his birthday that year. I had carefully prepared homemade chocolates and timidly handed them to him.

Full of hope that he would try one, but he just opened the box, glanced at it, and asked, "Does anyone want chocolate?"

He casually brushed my cheek with his finger and said, "I don't really like them. Don't let them go to waste. You eat them."

I took the box of chocolates with stiff hands and threw it in the trash on my way home.

Feelings that aren't valued end up discarded like garbage.

"Claire!" Sebastian called my name, snapping me back to reality.

"Hmm?"

"You've been distracted lately."

I stayed silent.

He tapped the desk. "There's a new movie out. I'll take you to see it."

Compensation?

I bit my lip. "Which showing?"

This pathetic, cowardly sentiment—even I despised myself for it.

That evening, when I went to see Lily, I ran into her arguing with Julian again. She was doing all the attacking; he just listened.

"Abao! Come here! Quick, help me!"

The moment Julian saw me, he stood up from his chair and walked out. As he passed me, he said, "Don't give her anything she shouldn't eat."

I shot him a glare, walked over to Lily, and said, "Getting angry again, Lily? Anger isn't good for you!"

She was still huffing. "I can't help it! It's so annoying!"

"If you're mad, take it out on him. He won't talk back anyway. Doesn't that feel better?"

Lily rolled her big eyes at me and said, almost vengefully, "Did you know Sebastian is getting married?"

The fruit knife in my hand slipped. A long gash appeared on my finger. By the time the blood started spreading, the pain had finally reached my nerves.

"Abao!"

Lily pressed the call button, flustered, and had someone bandage me up.

After I was patched up and sitting down, Lily didn't dare let me touch a fruit knife again. She patted her chest to calm herself, while I sat there in a daze.

"You didn't know..."

She looked a little guilty. I smiled to comfort her. "What difference does knowing or not knowing make?"

Her eyes kept drifting to my hand. "A huge difference. I shouldn't have said anything."

After calming her down, I headed home. Looking at the dark windows, I couldn't help but wonder: Where is Sebastian now? With his fiancée? With the young influencer? Or with some other random girl?

Anywhere but with me.

2

The girl Sebastian was engaged to, I knew. She was the only daughter of the Zhou Group. I remembered her well from the last time we discussed a partnership.

She had looked me up and down. "Assistant Claire, is it?"

I extended my hand. "Ms. Zhou, I look forward to working with you."

She laughed inexplicably. "Yes, from now on... we'll be working together a lot."

I didn't understand then. Now I do.

The wound on my hand throbbed dully. Maybe it was the cold of winter, but I couldn't stop shivering, my whole body trembling uncontrollably.

I asked myself: Abao, how did you end up like this?

How did it... come to this?

I didn't even ask Sebastian about the wedding. I found a small apartment and gradually moved my things out. Sebastian rarely came home anyway, and even when he did, he never noticed. He only cared about his own feelings.

Lately, I'd been visiting Lily often. She was getting thinner and sleeping most of the time.

Nurse Zhou came in to change her IV, her eyes red. I patted her shoulder to comfort her, and she smiled at me with those teary eyes, whispering, "Spend more time with her."

I felt like crying.

Lily was so thin she could barely eat the junk food I brought her. Even if she did, she'd throw it up soon after.

I held her fingers, but tears fell anyway. I tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn't stop.

"Oh dear, what are you crying for?"

I looked up. "Lily, do you want some water?"

"I'm asking you. What are you crying for?" She lifted her hand with effort, trying to wipe my tears.

"Lily, you can't die. I don't have any other close friends."

I placed her hand on my cheek and whispered, "You're my only best friend."

She tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Serves you right. I told you to make friends. But you spent all your time chasing after a man. Regret it now?"

I shook my head. "I do have a best friend."

I have a best friend. My only one.

She stopped talking. Even breathing was an effort for her. She could only let her eyes redden along with mine.

"What do we do, best friend? I haven't even seen you happy yet."

I finally broke down, burying my face in her bedside and sobbing. Lily laughed. "Abao, cry like that at my grave too. Make me look loved."

"Lily!"

"Ahahahahaha. Stop crying. You look so ugly when you cry."

A heavy snow fell over Cedar City. After it melted, we had two beautiful sunny days. The movie Sebastian had invited me to see was today.

I hesitated for a long time, but I still went to the meeting point. I just didn't tell Sebastian I was going.

In the past, I would have reminded him over and over so he wouldn't forget. This time, I didn't.

The movie was scheduled for seven in the evening. I sat on a bench outside the theater early, watching the minutes tick by. I counted the couples passing in front of me. "Fifty-one... fifty-two."

"The movie is now boarding!" a staff member called out, managing the crowd. I stayed where I was, waiting. I waited until the movie had already started, then stood up and walked away.

This wasn't the first time Sebastian had stood me up. When did it start?

I remembered shaking his arm and asking, "Tomorrow is our fourth anniversary. Can you come see the new movie with me?"

He had fiddled with his phone and said casually, "Romance movies are too cheesy. I don't want to watch one."

"Then we can watch whatever you like, okay?"

"Mm."

I had planned everything carefully and arrived at the theater early.

I sent him message after message on WeChat. He didn't reply.

Then, as the previous screening was letting out, I saw Sebastian with his arm around another girl.

He called me. "What's up?"

"I was just asking if you remembered we were supposed to watch a movie together."

He sighed. "Let's do it another day. I'm tired today."

"But... today is our fourth anniversary."

"It's just an anniversary. We'll celebrate next year."

The young girl had smiled and walked over to him, and he had hung up on me in a hurry.

After that, I never stepped foot in a movie theater again. I always felt like I'd see Sebastian there, with someone else by his side.

It started snowing again. As I passed a trash can, I threw away the two movie tickets.

3

After I stopped working, I spent most of my time at Lily's. She slept a lot, but on one sunny day, she seemed to have a burst of energy.

She said, "Abao, take me outside for a walk."

"I'm sorry, best friend." Lily was crying. She sat quietly, bathed in sunlight, staring fixedly at Julian. "I'm going to have to make you see me off alone."

She took my hand and talked about our earliest dreams, our earliest wishes, the best times we'd had.

She said she had walked too long a road and felt lonely now. She said she wanted to go see her family.

She said, Abao, you need to be happy.

She said, Abao, you need to be happy.

She said, Abao, I'm leaving now. Don't be afraid.

I held her hand and sobbed uncontrollably. "Lily, don't go... please... don't go."

She patted my hand weakly. "Abao, don't be afraid. Do what you want to do. Be happy. I'll watch over you. You're my... only best friend now."

"Lily, don't fall asleep. Don't go..."

In the end, she said to me, "Abao, don't cry..."

In that warm sunlight, I lost my only best friend.

Julian was more prepared than I was, and calmer. He handled all the funeral arrangements.

I gritted my teeth and glared at him, but he didn't care. He just came over and asked, "Sebastian is asking if you're here. What should I tell him?"

"I'm not."

"Got it."

Other than that, we didn't speak.

I cried so many tears at Lily's grave. She had made a will long ago, leaving all her money to Nurse Zhou. When Nurse Zhou came to pay her respects, she supported me and whispered, "She said she was joking. She didn't want you to cry at her grave."

"She wouldn't be able to rest easy."

I cried even harder.

When I turned around, I saw Sebastian. There was a ring on his finger, glinting in the sunlight.

Oh. He was engaged.

He walked up and stopped in front of me. "Claire, what's going on with you?"

"Why haven't you come home?"

"Why did you delete my contact information?"

"I'm talking to you!"

He fired off question after question, but I didn't feel like answering. What was there to say?

I was mourning my friend. He was marrying his bride.

What was left for us to talk about?

I took a step back and looked at him. He still looked the same as he always had—exactly the way I had loved him back then.

"Sebastian, I'm twenty-eight now. Time flies, doesn't it?"

He looked at me, puzzled, but still humored me. "Yeah."

"It's been ten years since you agreed to date me. I was eighteen."

I pointed at his ring. "Isn't it funny? You're about to get married, but you still want to keep dating me?"

He quickly hid his hand behind his back. When he lowered it again, the ring was gone.

"It's just a ring."

I tilted my head back and pulled my coat tighter. The early spring wind was biting, but it also cleared my head.

"Let's break up, Sebastian."

"What did you say?"

I raised my hand and pointed at the farthest star in the sky. "You're too bright, Sebastian. You've always been the brightest star in my sky. All these years, my world has been like this sky—nothing in it but you."

"Claire..."

I cut him off. "But not anymore. Not anymore."

I said I needed to go to a place where the sun shines.

Sebastian turned and walked away, leaving behind a curt "Take care of yourself."

I watched his back for a long time, until he disappeared from sight.

4

After saying goodbye to Lily, I moved quickly to finalize what I wanted to do.

A dessert shop. It had been our earliest dream.

Renovations, design, dealing with all kinds of people—I was busy from morning till night.

If Sebastian hadn't kept calling, I would have almost forgotten he existed.

Buzz, buzz. I sighed and picked up the phone. This was his third call today.

"Hello."

"Where's my stamp?"

I thought for a moment. "It should be in the back of the left-hand cabinet in your office, third drawer."

"Found it."

Then he hung up.

I efficiently organized all the details and handed them to a colleague I was close with, asking her to pass them to Sebastian's new secretary.

"Mr. Harrington hasn't hired a new secretary!" she said.

I hesitated for a moment. "Then just print it out and put it on his desk. Thanks."

"Okay."

Then I blocked that number too and focused on my design plans.

When the weather warmed up, I looked at the shop, which was almost finished, and felt pretty good about it.

"Claire!" My colleague called me for the second time that day to complain.

"What's wrong?" I held the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"Mr. Harrington has turned into a work machine! No one can shake his determination to work. Do you know we've already exceeded our quarterly targets?"

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"I want a vacation! A vacation!" the girl wailed on the other end, making me want to laugh.

"Then call one of the girls hanging around him, any one of them, and ask if they have time to go on a date with Mr. Harrington. If they do, make him a schedule and ask if he's interested."

I gave her the advice casually.

But the line went strangely silent. I asked, puzzled, "Mia? Why aren't you saying anything?"

Mia struggled to get the words out. "Um... Claire, are you really not coming back?"

"Yeah, my shop is almost done. I'll invite you over for some treats!"

"Claire..."

Then, a new voice came through the line. "Claire! What kind of shop are you opening? How much money can it make?"

The voice was so loud I had to move the phone away from my ear. "Sebastian?"

"I'll hang up now, Claire. Bye!"

The moment the call ended, I thought my ears were playing tricks on me.

But I was too busy to think much of it.

Later, Mia sent me a WeChat message apologizing. I even thoughtfully compiled a list of contact information for the girls who had been close to Sebastian and sent it to her.

She didn't reply.

5

When the weather turned warm, my new shop opened.

I had chosen the name myself: "Lily's Childhood Corner."

My mom came to inspect and gave me her opinion. "Don't you think people will mistake it for an art studio?"

I thought she had a point, so I added a big cake design next to the sign.

On opening day, I saw Julian for the first time in a long while. I'd heard he was back, but I didn't expect him to have changed so much.

"Can I... buy a cake?"

I stood still. He smiled, his face pale. "It says right there: 'Making every customer feel happy.'"

I wanted to mock him, but then he said, "I'm going to see Lily. I want her to feel happy."

The words died in my throat. After a long silence, I went and made him one.

"Tell Lily that if it's not good, she should come into my dreams. That girl hasn't visited me even once!"

My voice was hoarse as I handed it to him. He just smiled and, as he turned to leave, left a stack of bills on the counter.

"Happy opening. Good name. May your business prosper."

It was a gesture of goodwill, so I accepted it.

Mia really did bring my former colleagues to support my shop. I welcomed them happily, showing them the new items and having everyone fill out a customer survey.

Mia pulled me aside and whispered, "Mr. Harrington has been acting strange lately. He says he's not getting married!"

I shrugged and didn't think much of it.

"Then do what I said. Make him a dating itinerary so he stops causing trouble."

Mia pursed her lips and nodded firmly.

Lately, there was a man who always came to the dessert shop. He would set up his easel and sit there all day.

He said he was a painter. "An unknown, low-tier painter," as he put it.

We sometimes chatted. He would tell me about the places he'd been. "I love painting people," he said. "Everyone's eyes have something different in them. Some eyes are like crystals, some like amber, some... are murky but beautiful. All of them are beautiful."

"Could you paint me?" I asked with a smile.

He said yes. On a quiet afternoon, I sat on a bench and posed for him. The sun was warm, the world was still, and I felt at peace.

The day he gave me the painting, he walked me home.

"What did you see in my eyes?" I asked, smiling.

"Peace. The kind of peace I long for," the painter replied with a smile.

I thought about his words and smiled. "I wasn't always a peaceful person."

"Really?" he asked. "Now I'm curious. What kind of person were you before?"

The dappled shadows of the trees fell around us. I was about to answer when I was interrupted.

"Claire!"

I froze and saw Sebastian.

"It looks like he has something to say to you. I'll head back first."

I nodded and said I'd treat him to a glass of yuzu tea tomorrow.

"It's a deal."

"Yeah."

Before the painter could leave, Sebastian snatched the painting from me and looked it over.

"Who is this?"

I was annoyed but tried to stay polite. "Give it back."

Sebastian sneered and tore the painting to pieces in a few swift moves. "Painting portraits? What's next? Private paintings?"

I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on.

"How did you know where I was?"

"I followed you from your shop!"

"Who was that pretty boy? You two were laughing and chatting!"

"He's a customer at my shop!"

"Oh, so that's the kind of business you're running? A customer walking the owner home? Painting her portrait?"

I was shaking with anger. I stepped forward and slapped him hard across the face.

"Claire!" Sebastian jumped back, furious.

My voice was cold. "He walked me home because I'm a single adult woman, and he's a single adult man, and we were trying to get to know each other!"

"Who gave you permission to get to know him!" His voice rose an octave, echoing in the empty night.

"I'm an independent person. I gave myself permission, and I don't need anyone else's. Sebastian, I want you to leave my house immediately, or I'll call the police!"

I turned and walked upstairs. He followed closely behind.

"Sebastian!" I raised my voice.

"What? You're not even going to let me in?"

I stopped and took out my phone. "Hello, is this 911? I'm at..."

"Claire!" He grabbed my phone and hung up, his tone harsh. "Are you throwing a tantrum now?"

I let out a long sigh. "Sebastian, you're the one who doesn't understand. I've already broken up with you."

"Sebastian, don't come looking for me again. Otherwise, I really will call the police. I don't want things to end up like this between us."

6

The painter didn't come the next day, which I regretted. But the shop was busy, and when it was quiet, I'd play a song I liked and enjoy the peace.

A week later, the painter pushed open the door again. He smiled and handed me a new portrait.

"Oh, I didn't pose for this one." I was surprised.

"That's okay. I sat here for half a month. I've memorized you. The beautiful shop owner."

I was flattered. "Order whatever you want. It's on the house today!"

After he ordered, he sat at the counter. I asked curiously, "Do you have some kind of foresight? How did you know my painting was ruined?"

He smiled. "The man I saw at your door last time seemed a bit aggressive. I was worried you might be in danger, so I stayed for a while. I overheard your conversation. Sorry about that."

I swirled my drink and said, "Thank you for thinking of that."

"Girls are more delicate. It was the least I could do."

I smiled and added a complimentary pudding to his order.

"I really like your painting. You're very talented!" The painter took a sip of tea and smiled.

"Shop owner Claire."

"You can call me Claire."

He curved his lips into a smile. "Claire, I'm leaving here. Heading further west."

I was taken aback. "You're leaving?"

"Actually, Cedar City is wonderful. The scenery here has been beautiful lately, the weather has been good, the desserts are delicious, and the shop owner is very pretty."

"It almost made me want to stay."

I lowered my head, waiting for him to continue.

"But the day I walked you home, when you saw that man, your eyes were different."

My smile began to fade.

"I thought about it for a whole week before I figured it out. They were... full of life."

"Very different from when I painted you."

"Was he a past love?" he asked softly.

"Yeah. A past love."

I looked out the window and thought: Sebastian was still someone special. No matter when he appeared, he always made my heart skip a beat.

I saw the painter off and wished him a safe journey.

"It's a shame you won't get to see the autumn scenery of Cedar City."

It's a shame we never got the chance to get closer.

He opened his arms and asked, "Can I have a hug?"

I stepped forward, gave him a brief hug, and pulled back.

He said, "I don't know why you seem so resistant to him, but Claire, I hope you live the life you want."

I nodded. "I will. Thank you."

When I turned around, I saw Sebastian standing in the shadow of a tree. When our eyes met, he walked toward me.

I spoke first. "What exactly do you want?"

Sebastian clenched his fist before holding something out to me. "The movie from last time. I forgot about it. Let's go see this one together."

I looked at the ticket in the dim light. "Sebastian, you never watch romance movies with me. Why?"

Sebastian said matter-of-factly, "Isn't this the kind you like?"

I shook my head. "It's the kind you like. In our relationship, it was always about what you liked. Do you even know what I like to eat, what I like to do, what I like to watch?"

"I..."

"Sebastian, you can watch romance movies with other people, can't you?"

The time I caught him, he was watching that hugely popular romance movie—the one he had refused to see with me—with that young girl.

I still felt the sting of injustice. I lifted my head and asked him, "Why could you do it with others, but not with me?"

He didn't answer. But I knew.

Because with others, he had brief flings. With me... he never had.

I knew it all. I was just playing dumb.

My shop was popular with kids. One young couple stood out.

The girl was always hovering around the boy.

Just like I used to be, a long time ago.

Sebastian did go on dates with me occasionally, but he was always impatient and annoyed. Even when I sat across from him crying at our parting, he just said, slightly irritated, "Alright, what are you crying about? Go wherever you need to go."

I tugged at his sleeve. "But what about you and me..."

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You can come back anytime."

When I came back, I caught one young, pretty girl after another by his side.

I tapped the counter and thought: Youth is a wonderful thing. That's when you have that fearless courage.

By the time I closed up shop, it was getting cold. I locked the door and turned around to find a painting right in front of my face.

I jumped back in surprise.

"Sebastian?"

He awkwardly emerged from behind it. "I glued it back together."

I looked at the painting, painstakingly repaired. I could almost picture Sebastian, stiff and expressionless, bending down to pick up the pieces one by one.

"If you like this painting, I'll give it back to you." His voice was small, and somehow it sounded sad.

I blinked, forcing back the tears, before saying, "But... I already have a new one."

A new painting. A new life.

He froze for a moment before asking, "Claire, do you not want to be with me anymore?"

I looked into his eyes and said firmly, "No. I don't."

"What if... I want you to be with me?"

I tilted my head. "Are you begging me?"

He hesitated, then nodded.

I sighed. "So this is what it feels like."

"So this is what it feels like to be begged by someone you don't like. Sebastian, now I understand why you thought my love was cheap."

When you give up your dignity in love, you become cheap yourself.

"Sebastian, now you're the one begging me. I'm returning those words to you."

He stood frozen, not even knowing what to do with the painting in his hands.

"You were the one who begged me to be with you!"

"I'm returning those words to you."

7

When the first snow fell, I felt like I should have someone by my side. So I happily accepted my mom's invitation and went on a couple of blind dates.

But... neither of them was a good fit.

I started to doubt the success rate of matchmaking. Maybe I was rushing things. I decided to take it slow.

I didn't go back to the shop for two days. My young assistant leaned in and whispered, "That man has been coming every single day. Boss, do you know him?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't."

Sebastian was always standing in the distance. In the heavy snow, I could barely make out his figure.

I ignored him as usual and walked home. It had been snowing for days. The snow melted and froze, then more snow fell on top of the ice. The ground was like a skating rink. I took small, careful steps.

I saw the green light and started crossing. But the road was slippery. A small car couldn't stop and swerved hard to the right.

I looked down for just a second, and saw a car hurtling straight toward me.

The air was filled with the screech of brakes. My brain was screaming: Run! Run!

But my feet wouldn't move.

*Bam!* The world spun.

"Claire!" So many voices rang in my ears, but only one was clear.

Even though my body couldn't react, my mind still supplied the answer: It's Sebastian. It's Sebastian.

I had a very long dream.

I dreamed of a time long ago. I saw myself holding a box of carefully made chocolates, waiting at Sebastian's desk. I desperately wanted to reach out and touch her, to tell her: Don't wait! He won't take them!

But I couldn't. I could only watch as Sebastian took the box, opened it, closed it, and handed it back to her.

I stood outside myself, watching the girl's expression. My nose stung.

She lowered her head, her hand stroking the box again and again. She hesitated, trying to offer it to him again, but saw that he had already turned away. She bit her lip, like she wanted to cry but didn't dare.

I followed behind her, watching her get jostled in the crowd like a pitiful sandwich. But she clutched her backpack tightly. Inside were local specialties she had brought for her beloved.

She had taken a twelve-hour train ride. She was so afraid of needing the bathroom that she barely dared to drink any water. She just held that bag, as if it could give her comfort.

I wanted to tell her: Don't go. You won't get the response you want. You'll only see a pretty girl walk out of his room and tell you what they just did.

But I couldn't. I could only watch.

Even when she grew up, put on high heels, and tied up her hair, she would still rest her chin on her hand and stare out the window, waiting for her beloved to come home.

I covered my eyes and thought: Don't wait. Don't wait anymore. He'll only throw away the cake you made early in the morning, tell you you're annoying, and tell you to stop.

There won't be any response. There won't be.

Give that precious love to yourself, Abao.

I stood beside her, watching her cry. I wrapped my arms around her in a hollow embrace, as if I could hold the version of myself who was crying alone.

Abao, please. Love yourself.

Love yourself.

"Abao..."

"Abao..."

I opened my eyes groggily and met Sebastian's gaze. For a moment, I was disoriented. Those eyes, always so cold, were now reflecting my image.

It hit me belatedly. I wanted to cry.

"Abao, Abao, are you feeling better?" My mom pushed Sebastian's hand aside and rushed over to ask.

My whole body ached, but I still managed a smile.

"I'm fine."

I wanted to reassure her.

"Good, good." My mom stood beside me, crying. My stepfather stood next to her, comforting her.

I turned my neck with difficulty and saw Sebastian standing off to the side.

After that long dream, it felt like I had lived through decades.

If you asked me what the most steadfast thing in my life was, it was loving Sebastian.

Loving him with fearless abandon.

I blinked, and tears still spilled stubbornly from my eyes.

"Abao, does it hurt somewhere?"

Sebastian rushed over anxiously and bent down in front of me. When I didn't respond, he asked again.

"Abao, where does it hurt?"

I shook my head. The tears just wouldn't stop.

It's Abao!

After all these years, you finally know. My nickname, the one everyone close to me calls me—it's Abao.

Finally, I could become the treasure in your heart too?

How late...

How late, Sebastian.

8

When I was a little better, I could sit up on my own. I sent my mom and the others home, telling them not to worry about me constantly.

That left just me and Sebastian in the room.

"Don't you need to go back to work?"

He kept his head down, peeling fruit. "No."

I looked at the sun outside the window. "The snow has stopped."

He gave a faint smile. "That's because you've been lying here too long."

"Have I?"

Maybe. After the heavy snow, buds were starting to sprout. It was spring.

I looked at Sebastian and thought: Saying goodbye in spring is very romantic.

I took the fruit from his hand. "Can we talk?"

"Why aren't you at work?" I asked gently.

"Because I was scared."

Sebastian rarely showed such vulnerability. "I was so scared."

"You were lying in a pool of blood. No matter how much I called, you wouldn't wake up. There was blood everywhere. I was really scared, Abao."

He covered his eyes and let the tears fall, as if he were back at that scene, helpless and not knowing what to do.

"Abao, don't leave me..."

"Abao, don't leave me..."

I tilted my head back, trying desperately to hold back my tears. I clutched the bedsheet tightly to stop myself from reaching out to wipe his tears.

"Sebastian, don't cry," I said softly. "I'm no